Toronto: The Livable, User-friendly City!

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(A shot of downtown T.O., just up the street from my pad)

How’s that title for a tourism slogan! Come to Toronto, where you can live as a human being AND use kindly things in a way that will make them seem like they’re a friend.

Writer and translator Manjushree Thapa over at The Millions has penned what is labelled a “quasi-love letter to Toronto,” the city I was born in, grew up in, and now live in (making me as rare a species as the Manhattanite who was born, raised, and still lives on the 59 km2 island), titled “I Don’t Love You, Toronto: On Books and Cities.”

It’s an interesting look at Toronto from the point of view of someone arriving here as an adult. Not only does she look into the city’s Native Canadian roots (something most of us Torontonians, sadly, know little about), but she also links some well-know CanLit (Canadian literature) books to the city.

Although Ms. Thapa is from Nepal, she nailed something soooooo Toronto when talking about housing: “…we’d slip into that most Torontonian of conversations, about buying or renting or moving away entirely.” The only thing missing from that statement is …or put our names down on the provincial 160,000 person waiting list for affordable housing (almost half of that list being in Toronto alone).

For what it’s worth, my favourite novel about Toronto remains Michael Ondaatje’s In the Skin of a Lion, which earned him a Toronto Book Award in 1988.

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Like, Fill This, Yo!

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Imagine, if you will, receiving the following message:

hi lance(lot)

wasn’t that, like, so so so clever how i, um, ya know, changed you’re, like, name like that?!?!? anyways, i, was, ah, ya know, just wonderin’ if you’d, like, wanna hook up this, um, weekend and, like, shoot some stick at bobs burgers?! everyone’ll be there, eh.

k, talk soon

rance mulligan

If you have not self-immolated or torn out all your hair after reading that doozie, then congratulations. I am currently smoldering, my scarlet gown and long wig reduced to ashes.

As Willy S. would have written if he were alive today:

Shall I compare that missive to an 18-car trainwreck?

Thou art more lovelier and more temperature:

Rough winds do shake ‘n bake the buds of grammar, punctuation & filler words,

And language’s lease hath all too short a hot date.

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Ah, yes, filler words. What would the world come to if we wrote the same way many of us speak English? At the top of my Seek & Destroy List are filler words in spoken English, notably the use of “like.”

Filler words, otherwise known as pause fillers or the hesitation form, are essentially meaningless words, phrases, or sounds that fill in a gap in speech. I suppose my question is this: Do native English speakers (i.e. those most guilty of committing said verbal infractions) not realize how dumbass they look when constantly using the word “like” as a filler word?

Surely you can’t be serious, the reader says. I am serious. And don’t call me Shirley.

I, like many before me, have spent a considerable amount of time trying to clean up my writing, but how many of us are conscious about the way we speak? They say first impressions leave the most lasting impression. And while it’s true that how you look and present yourself are critical in making a great first impression, how you speak is also important. (I was going to write very important or quite important, but then remembered the challenge I threw out yesterday about eliminating mocking adverbs for the next seven days.)

So, the next time you catch yourself using one of the most common filler words (like, um, ah, you know, okay, er, right), reach for a bar of soap and give your mouth a good ol’ cleaning. The person with whom you’re speaking to will be eternally grateful.

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To Kill a Mocking Adverb (and Other Killables)

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Benjamin Dreyer has some advice for both aspiring and established writers (and something Stephen King — who once wrote “I believe the road to hell is paved with adverbs” — would wholeheartedly embrace): “Go a week without writing ‘very,’ ‘rather,’ ‘really,’ ‘quite,’ and ‘in fact.’ ” (“Feel free to go the rest of your life without another ‘actually,’ [too.]”)

In his book Dreyer’s English: An Utterly Correct Guide to Clarity and Style, Mr. Dreyer has penned what his publisher calls “A witty, informative guide to writing “good English” from Random House’s longtime copy chief and one of Twitter’s leading enforcers of proper grammar — a twenty-first-century Elements of Style.

I think Messrs. King and Dreyer would agree that instead of going into overkill mode with your adverbs when writing, stretch your noodle to think of more appropriate/creative adjectives, metaphors or similes.

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Grammar: It Ain’t Don’t Get No Better Than This

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What do word nerds do in their free time? Sometimes they tell jokes (or cut and paste witty witticisms into their posts). As per one shiny example:

Klaussz: Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?

Scooter: He must have had bad dandruff!

Klaussz: What the **** is wrong with you, man? No! He worked it out with a pencil.

Actually, word nerds, grammarians and overall spaznuts like yours truly like going though dictionaries, reading interesting blogs on linguistics,, and dissecting languages as a whole and how they reflect on cultures, etcetera, and so on, ad nauseam.

Earlier, while looking up something on predicates, I stumbled upon a post on some random site from an old friend of mine who is a walking dictionary in both English and Korean.

Growing up, my teachers told me that a sentence only required a subject (pronoun or noun) and a verb (action word). But as I got older, things seemed to get dicier with the official explanation. Now it was all about a subject and a predicate.

To me, predicates just seemed like snooty verbs, a pack of wolves dressed in sheep’s clothing. Or, you know, something like that.

Anyway, my pal Gary Rector had this to say about the topic at hand, and I thought I’d share it with all the other hosebags out there who share my fascination with words.

The predicate of a sentence is the verb and its objects, complements, and modifiers (if any). Look at these example sentences:

John is sleeping. [The verb and predicate are identical: is sleeping.]

Mary likes coffee. [The verb is likes. The predicate is likes coffee.]

Sally takes her coffee with cream and sugar. [The verb is takes. The predicate is takes her coffee with cream and sugar.]

 

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A Little Heartbreak, A Dose of Literary Reality

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I’m hoping this was just a speed bump on the road called Jack Reacher.

I just finished Lee Child’s latest addition to the Jack Reacher series, Past Tense, and was…What’s the word…Saddened? Untitillated? Underwhelmed?

JR is once again the middle of Nowhere, USA. He’s kinda/sorta looking for his father’s birthplace. He gets into a few fights. He wins them all handily. The end.

Of the roughly 3,454 books I’ve read by Mr. Child, this was the first time I felt let down, something many of us have experienced at one time or another with authors/artists we love. We are, after all, human. No artist can remain at the top of their A game forever (although a solid argument could be made for Pablo Diego José Francisco de Paula Juan Nepomuceno María de los Remedios Cipriano de la Santísima Trinidad Ruiz y Picasso, Mr. Picasso’s baptismal name).

I remember the first time this happened to me as a reader of fiction, feeling somewhat crestfallen, that is. I fell in love with Tolstoy at a young age, starting with War and Peace, moving onto Anna Karenina (which his old comrade Dostoyevsky called “the greatest love story ever written”), and culminating in his last novel, Resurrection, in 1899, which had a great premise but ultimately fell flat.

Then it happened with Murakami Haruki. I loved A Wild Sheep Chase. What followed (in English translation) was Hard-boiled Wonderland and the End of the World, Norwegian Wood, Dance Dance Dance, South of the Border, West of the Sun, and then his opus, The Wind-up Bird Chronicle. From there, things went south for me (but not west of the sun), including Murakami’s choice for his new translator. It began with Sputnik Sweetheart and Kafka on the Shore, and then — contrary to what some believe — 1Q84.

Alternatively, there are some “red wine” authors that seem to get better with age, like Ayn Rand (I know, I know…This will be controversial with certain readers), who went from We the Living (amazing, with a terrific ending) to The Fountainhead (profound, nearly led to a complete nuclear meltdown for Ms. Rand) to her true opus, Atlas Shrugged (which had a profound influence on philosophy, politics and social movements). The same could be said of Somerset Maugham, who started relatively early with Of Human Bondage, then The Moon and Sixpence and then, at the tail end of his career as a novelist, his opus, The Razor’s Edge.

Finally, there are the yo-yos of the literary world. Take Fyodor Dostoyevsky. He broke out to wild acclaim in 1846 with a novella called Poor Folk, and didn’t get 15 minutes of fame; he got, quite literally, 15 days of being what Guardian contributor Daniel Kalder called a “cause celebre.” It would be 20 years (of being pissed on and heckled) until Fedya D regained his rightful place as a master of fiction after the release of Crime and Punishment in 1866. His last novel, seen by many to be his opus, was The Brothers Karamazov.

As a final note, and as it pertains to the genesis of this post, 61 Hours and Worth Dying For are my two favourite Reacher novels to date.

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They’re Ba~~~ck

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As part of their Thank You Canada Tour (@thethankyoutour) last year, Tessa Virtue and Scott Moir, the most decorated ice dance skaters in Olympic history, took their farewell tour across every Canadian province along with some of their BFF skating colleagues.

Tonight, Sunday, February 10, CTV will be broadcasting one of these performances. If you want to see some pretty sick (but not ill) figure skaters doing some pretty wicked hot (but chilly at ice level) things with a pair of skates, go to CTV.ca tonight at 7 p.m. EST, or click on this link to stream live.

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Creating More Memorable Memories

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@larrykim has an interesting article on memory and memory formation called “Want to Improve Your Memory? Science Tells Us the Key (and It Can Actually Be Fun).”

I’ve long been fascinated by memory. From mnemonics (devices for aiding one’s memory) to art (Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep and Blade Runner both posited the question of whether implanted memories made a person inhuman) to science and health (does the onset of Alzheimer’s, for example, take away our humanity/humanness?) to  why long-term memories can sometimes be stronger than short-term memories.

Ancient Greeks and Romans were drawn to mnemonics for the obvious reason of retaining more information, but also because they believed it made them better orators. I read once that the origin of mnemonics came from a house fire in ancient Athens. Everybody who was present perished in the blaze except for one man. Amazingly, he was able to identify the charred corpses of the dead based on nothing more than their location within the house. Thus, it’s no surprise that early instructors of mnemonics used the analogy of the rooms/walls/doors/widows in a house to compartmentalize the acquisition of knowledge.

But back to Mr. Kim’s article and his advice for giving your mind a good ol’ lube job:

Try these tips for improving your recall when you want to remember important information:

  • Distract yourself. You might feel like you’re being super productive and focused by sticking to your work, but you’re less likely to recall it later.You’re not a bad person for taking a two-minute YouTube break, and for crying out loud, stop buying into the myth that multitasking = greater productivity.

  • Celebrate quick wins. Dopamine is released when you finish something, so have a list of small tasks you can tackle to get some quick wins in throughout the day.

  • Take regular body breaks. Get a jump rope. Run up a flight of office stairs. Even if all you have time to do in get up and do 10 jumping jacks beside the desk, you’re giving yourself a little boost of endorphins and dopamine.(Bonus: it’ll make you more creative, too.)

  • Take the opportunity to try something new. It doesn’t have to mean learning a whole new skill. Maybe it’s a sensory surprise — run your hands over different materials, or go outside when it’s cold and come back in. Maybe (outside of a scent-free workplace) it means a warmer with different scented oils. The point is to create change in your workspace so it’s not always the same old, same old.

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Apostrophes!

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What an exciting title for a post! It don’t get much hotter than that little upper hook (and not its younger brother, the lower hook, a.k.a. the comma).

For regular readers of this blog, you might remember I did a post Lynne Truss’s fabulous book on punctuation called Eats, Shoots & Leaves, which is obviously about panda bears that have a meal, unload their pistols/shotguns, and then take their leave (as opposed to the diet of panda bears, which includes eating bamboo shoots and leaves). And all this confusion because of a single comma!

While there are some fairly straightforward rules to the use of apostrophes in the English language — see the amazing Grammar Girl’s Quick and Dirty Tips for more info on English grammar and punctuation) — perhaps their most confusing use has to do with the Romanization of foreign words.

Take, for example, these three words from Mi’kmaq (the plural of Mi’kmaw, the native peoples most populous in Newfoundland & Labrador, Quebec and Ontario) that have the exact same seven Latin letters, yet mean wildly different things because of the placement of the apostrophe(s).

kesalul — I love you
kesa’lul — I hurt you
ke’sa’lul — I throw you gently into a fire

I, for one, have no idea how to pronounce those three words differently based on their apostrophes, but would be very scared to tell my Mi’kmaw partner I love her for fear that I would be “killing her softly.”

Another example is the old McCune-Reischauer Romanization system, no longer used in South Korea, for the written Korean language, Hanguel (though North Korea still uses a modified variation of McCune-Reischauer). Take a gazing gander at these two examples:

않다 — ant’a — not (some action in the negative)

안타 — anta — a base hit in baseball

You don’t have to be a Machiavellian (i.e. cunning) linguist to see that the two words are spelled differently in Korean. But how the fork you’re supposed to pronounce those two words in distinct ways based on their Romanization is anyone’s guess.

On a final note, is it just me, or has the most egregious use/misuse of the apostrophe in today’s world of constant texting and instant messaging become our tendency to confuse “their” and “they’re”?

UPDATE: From the woman who tweeted about the apostrophe challenge with “I love you” in Mi’kmaw:

there are more people that liked this tweet than there are fluent mi’kmaw speakers.

let that sink in.

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The Sadness of Beautiful Things

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What a great title.

I’m not usually a fan of short stories, but I got a signed copy of Simon Van Booy’s The Sadness of Beautiful Things not long ago, and cruised through it at breakneck speed. Thanks to Michelle T. for the heads-up on a writer I probably would have not otherwise come across.

One prolific reviewer on Goodreads named Angela M summed up my thoughts perfectly when she wrote:

I don’t always get the significance of book titles, but this is one that fits this small collection of stories so perfectly, every one of the eight beautifully written sad stories. I was amazed that in such few sentences, in such a short time that I could come to know and care about all of the characters. These stories are not connected in the way that some collections are that make you feel as if you’ve read a novel. These are distinct stories, yet they have much in common. Smooth, even writing that in its sparsity reveals so much; each is filled with love in some way making even the saddest thing about each of them somewhat more bearable.

This collection of deeply relatable tales is especially poignant if you have even a cursory knowledge of the State of New York, but is not essential in feeling the power of Van Booy’s words through the eight short stories that long resonate after you’ve finished the last page.

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The Golden Man Booker Prize

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Consider this: Michael Ondaatje’s novel The English Patient won the Governor General’s Award and the Booker Prize. The film adaptation was nominated for 12 Academy Awards and won nine (including best picture). It also won five BAFTA Awards and two Golden Globes.

However, it wasn’t until last year that Ondaatje received what is arguably the most prestigious honour in the English-speaking world of fiction. In celebration of the 50th anniversary of the Man Booker Prize, a special judging panel was put together to name the greatest Man Booker Prize of them all. And wouldn’t you know it? They named The English Patient the Golden Man Booker. (How did I not know this fact until today???)

Friends of mine who know my reading habits have grown bored over the years listening  to me wax poetic how The English Patient is quite possibly the greatest novel of the 20th century. Well, at least I know I have some like-minded friends over at the Man Booker Prize.

As an aside, if you’re curious which books Michael Ondaatje enjoys re-reading time and time again, check out this piece from Goodreads.

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(One of my favourite scenes from the film)

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