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What Will You Regret When You’re Old?

A close friend of mind lost a family member yesterday. As is often the case with death, especially when it’s unexpected, it gives one pause to reflect on life. In today’s society, we’re constantly reminded to “have no regrets” and “live life to the fullest” at every turn, it seems. Thing is, we’re human. To have regrets and feel disappointment about past failures or missed opportunities is completely natural; not having these feelings would make you alien.

While it would be nice to say “I’ll have no regrets when I’m old, baby!” the truth is probably a little closer to “I hope I have no regrets when I’m older.” In one of those ubiquitous lists you see pop up from time to time, I just happened to have one sent to me this morning entitled “Those Top 37 Things You’ll Regret When You’re Old.” It may sound shallow considering the scope of profound insights on the list, but No. 21 (Neglecting your teeth) hit me hard because I’ve seen too many people suffer from problems with their teeth when they get older, and even in a country with “universal health care,” dental work is not included. As someone who once had a nerve explode in his tooth and ended up in the ER, I can assure you it was a poignant reminder to be grateful for healthy teeth.

Personally — and in step with the theme of this blog — if I had to add a No. 38 to that list it would be “Read that one book you’ve always wanted to read/been told you have to read.” For some, that might be a Herculean effort like the Old Testament and the New Testament. Maybe it’s a classic such as War and Peace or Wuthering Heights. Perhaps it’s something lighter: Watership Down or Charlotte’s Web. For me, No. 38 would definitely be Kahlil Gibran’s 1923 literary triumph extraordinaire, The Prophet.

On this day, a somber Sunday when the weather is begging me to stay inside, I’ll take comfort in the things I have accomplished on that list and be grateful, more than anything else, that I have my health. And my teeth.

 

 

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2016 Screenplay Contest Deadlines

 

The good people over at ScreenCraft have a bunch of awards up for grabs this year and in myriad screenwriting categories including, but not limited to, comedy, horror, adventure, shorts, action & thriller, and SciFi. They might not pay a ton in award $$$, but they can certainly open doors if this is the career you wish to pursue. Check them out today to see when your deadline is coming up.

Who is ScreenCraft, you ask? Per their website: “We are a boutique consultancy specializing in insider access to development executives at the best production companies and studios.”

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Unword of the Year: Middle Class

Most people have heard of the Oxford English Dictionary‘s Word of the Year. Examples of how our language has become hipper and more robust include the latest additions to the club: 😂 (2015), vape (2014), selfie (2013), omnishambles (2012) and squeezed middle (2011).

This last one, also known as middle-class squeeze, got me thinking. I’ve just finished preparing my tax information for 2015 and realized a couple of things. Like the squeezed middle suggests, my increase (or lack of it) in income is not keeping up with inflation. However – and this is where it gets truly frightening – according to StatsCan – I make more than TWICE AS MUCH median household income than the average person anywhere in Canada in my economic category (individual living alone, no children).

So why the hell am I so cash poor? I don’t like reading fancy-dancy economists use their mathematical jargon (Quintiles? Really?) when trying to discover what defines the middle class, like this piece from Forbes, for example. I like it done simply:

Middle Class = middle of the pack –> able to afford “average” things without having to go into debt (with the exception of property)

See? That was simple and straightforward enough, right?

So, in light of the OED and their Word of the Year, I’d like to nominate a new category for 2016: Unword of the Year. What does this term mean? It means we remove the word(s) from the dictionary because it’s no longer relevant in the parlance of today.

Now, drum roll, please. For 2016, I’d like to nominate the following terms for Unword of the Year: middle class (noun) and middle-class (adjective).

If you have any suggestions of your own for Unword of the Year, please feel free to leave a message below. Because as I get set to submit my information to my accountant, I really can’t think of a better nominee.

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Happy Canada Book Day!

Per Wikipedia:

Canada Book Day is a yearly event celebrated in Canada on April 23 to promote reading and books during Canada Book Week.

Canada Book Day is celebrated on the same day as World Book and Copyright Day, a yearly event organized by UNESCO to promote reading, publishing and the protection of intellectual property through copyright.

Canada Book Day was organized by the Writers’ Trust of Canada, a national organization whose mandate is to represent writers and support Canadian English-language literature. The Trust no longer organizes this event.

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The Beauty of Anonymity

Jeff Goins wrote an interesting piece on medium.com about anonymity and the price of fame, especially in an era when people have become obsessed with it, called “Nobody’s Heard of You and That’s Okay.”

Before launching into all the reasons why it’s alright to be anonymous as a writer in this day and age, he details the story of F. Scott Fitzgerald, a heartbreaking story in and of itself. Inevitably, one of the fundamental questions he raises is this: If fame more often than not directly or indirectly crushes us professionally/emotionally/spiritually, why do so many of us constantly pursue it?

Four quotes he highlights concerning this subject that I thought were right on the money are the following:

We all love the idea of getting what we want now without realizing the negative implications of success.

Fast fame is the quickest to fade.

Successful people fail just as much as unsuccessful people. The difference is in how they interpret failure.

There are special privileges reserved for the unlikely and overlooked.

I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want more success with my literary career, but Goins is right to point out that there are certain advantages to being Joe Nobody. For example, there’s definitely something to be said about the fearlessness in experimentation because you’re not afraid of the blowback from society. That being said, it’s always tempting to consider whether it’s possible to reap all the positive rewards from fame (wealth and status) without taking on the negative (greed and insecurity). I don’t have the answer to that one, but I’ll certainly come back to it later in life if I ever hit the big time!

 

 

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The Ultimate Literary Job

Penguin Random House Canada has a job opening. It’s for the position of fiction editor (Penguin). Your tasks and responsibilities will include, but not be limited to, the following:

You must read books.

You must enjoy discussing books.

You must be talented at all things bookish.

You must be a bookie at heart.

You must love penguins, especially the emperor variety.

Click here to learn more about the real job and how to apply. Deadline is April 29, 2016. For my own part, I hereby dedicate this short story to the person who fills this position.

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Lit POP Writing Contest

POP Montreal has an associated writing contest called Lit POP and they want your submissions! They accept poetry (up to 5 poems) and fiction (max. 4000 words). The deadline is July 1 and the fee is $25 per entry, but if you submit by May 15 that fee goes down to $15. Winners don’t get mucho dinero, but they do get a trip to Montreal, publication in Matrix magazine, and a bunch of other cool stuff. Good luck to all those who enter!

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Why Read the Same Book Twice?

Is reading a book for a second time akin to dating an ex- again? Like, what’s the point? You’ve been down that path, you know the score, it ain’t your first rodeo with it/him/her, so why bother?

As per the first question, no, it’s not like dating an ex- for the second time. To begin, a second run through a book lacks the drama of the latter (and the petty, petty fights). With respect to the other self-directed question, the point is in the details; reading a book for a second time is the difference between gazing at the stars with the naked eye and with a telescope. With an awesome piece of Galilean machinery, the stars really start to glitter.

My book club is nearing its 7th anniversary and over that time we’ve been fortunate to read some very good literature, both fiction and non-fiction alike. This month, however, one member decided to shake things up a bit (variety is the literary spice of life?). Instead of choosing a new title as we usually do, she asked everybody to pick one book we’ve already done and either go back and reread it (or read it for the first time if you happened to miss that month). Brilliant, says I.

That’s how I ended up choosing Kent Haruf’s Plainsong again this month. I purposefully chose this book because it’s not only a deeply soulful, thought-provoking read, but it’s sloooooooooooooow. My life is too hectic right now. I’m in the middle of my busy season for work and practically coming off the rails when not fighting deadlines 24/7. I started Plainsong once again yesterday and know that I have made the right decision. Haruf’s lyricism is so simple it can’t help but make you smile, especially when you consider the metaphor that I’ve cluttered and complicated my own life with all this bloody work. And wouldn’t you know it? I’m actually enjoying the book more this time through than I did the first time around.

However, I should point out that the experience is not always the same when you have a second kick at the can with books. For example, although The Wind-up Bird Chronicle is one of my favourite books and hugely impactful on my own writing, I didn’t enjoy it nearly as much the second time. Alternatively, The English Patient became more poetic the second time (and even better the third), Richler’s Barney’s Version  was even more piss-your-pants funnier the second time around, and my personal bible, Gibran’s The Prophet, has only become more poignant over the years with each subsequent read (I lost count at 10).

The thing is, you’ll never know how good a book can be a second time until you’ve tried it. Unfortunately, in this day and age of bucket lists, an addiction to newness, and the pressure to stay up on what’s hip and relevant, many of us don’t take the time to go back to the proverbial well and recall fond memories of stories that helped shaped us on our life journey. You should try it. I’m pretty sure you won’t regret the trip down memory lane in this epoch of Go! Go! Go!

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Fiction/Poetry Contest for Everyone

For all you aspiring/established writers of fiction and poetry, there’s a writing contest coming up at The Antigonish Review. Fiction submissions need to be postmarked by June 1, 2016 (max. 20 pages) and poetry (max. 4 pages/150 lines) needs to be in the mail by June 30, 2016. Three cash prizes and publication in The Antigonish Review. For more information, check out this link.

Note: This contest is open to residents in ALL countries and of ALL nationalities.

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A Korean Man Booker Winner Waiting in the Wings?

Per an article in The Irish Times, “The Vegetarian towers over Man Booker International Prize long list.”

Who the what the…where the France?

Why is this a 핫이슈 (“hot issue”), you ask? Because the author of The Vegetarian, Han Kang, is a South Korean writer. Why, again, is this a wide-load deal? Because unlike their Japanese and Chinese counterparts, Korean writers still remain completely unknown to the outside world. Even for the most voracious bibliophile, South Korean authors might as well be North Korean. This is the unfortunate reality for three main reasons:

1) There is a dearth of Korean fiction that appeals to English readers.

2) The bar for Korean-to-English translations has been set so low that it’s usually painful (think of all four molars being yanked out of your mouth at the same time) to read the slim pickings that are already out there.

3) There is no vocal/famous writer or publisher championing the nation’s literature.

This year marks  the inaugural award that will combine two gargantuan literary prizes, the Man Booker International Prize and the Independent Foreign Fiction Prize. So kudos to the Han River (Ms. Kang’s name is also the name of the body of water that bisects Seoul) for this remarkable achievement. Just making it to the long list of the International Booker will certainly have scores of readers curious enough to see what all the hype is about, me thinks.

If you’d like a sneak peek, you can read an excerpt from The Vegetarian here. Interestingly enough, this tidbit has a remarkably similar feel to it as Murakami Haruki’s The Wind-up Bird Chronicle.

However, the really, really interesting back story to this story about a story is how it got to English in the first place. A British translator by the name of Deborah Smith took it upon herself to translate the first 20 pages of The Vegetarian and submitted it to a renowned publisher in the U.K., Portobello Books. Editors there were so impressed by the sample that they inked a contract before the translation was even completed!

Good luck to Ms. Kang. I know that I, for one, will be waiting with bated breath for the decision from the jury this coming May.

 

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