Go See This Movie

Image result for bear chasing bison

So, funny story.

I went to see a movie earlier today about a bear chasing a burned bison. Then some kids got killed at Yellowstone National Park. Then a self-admitted murderer was set free without as much as a trial. Something about holes being looped together, or loops being holed together…or some such thing. But that wasn’t the funny part.

The funny part came approximately 20 minutes into watching Population Zero, the much-heralded film from producer @TylerLevine and directors @JulianPinder and @Adamlevins, when a grouchy old man a few rows up from me proclaimed (loud enough for everyone in the theatre to hear), “I didn’t pay to come and see a documentary! I want to see a real movie!” His wife (I assume) then fled to the other side of the row (i.e. the burned/shamed bison), while the husband (i.e. the stalking bear) soon followed her lead and took a seat beside her on the far end.

The theatre quickly filled with the smell of urine because the rest of us were busy peeing our pants laughing.

First thing’s first, though: Population Zero is so good and in so many ways that it’s hard to believe it was made on a shoestring budget. The cinematography was breathtaking, the music mesmerizing, the acting spot-on and completely believable, and the storyline compelling, to say the least.

Second thing’s, well, second. Duh! I don’t want to give away too much, but if you believe metafiction works like Don Quixote, Barney’s Version and The New York Trilogy  are not “real” novels – and metacinema works such as A Clockwork Orange, Fight Club and Stranger than Fiction are not “real” films – because their creators warped the whole suspension of disbelief thing, then perhaps Population Zero is not for you.

If, however, you go in open-minded and appreciate real grit through the cinematic lens, then you will be drawn in as slowly as the waters of the Upper Niagara River. Soon enough, without even realizing it, you’ll be sent barreling down the river when you suddenly hit a series of rapids, your heart pounding with anticipation. This all culminates in an ending that is sure to shock/surprise/titillate even the harshest of movie critics when the Falls themselves seem to knock you over the head right out of the blue.

To sum up: (1) Bison and bears make interesting animals to watch chase each other; (2) do not camp in an area of any national park without at least 12 local residents; and (3) Niagara Falls makes a wonderful metaphor for strong-to-quite-strong films.

The end.

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It’s Only Partially All Doom & Gloom. Sort of.

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Not surprisingly, @TheEconomist published an interesting article last month titled “A sense of dread.” Ooh ooh ooh! the reader says excitedly, head in hands, lunch about to be expelled through their oral cavity, Another Armageddon scenario where we all perish and the world blows up in one final fiery scene that is caught on camera by a distant NASA satellite called CovfefeMyAss. This will represent the sum total of all we have to bequeath future intelligent life years/centuries/millennia from now. No remnants of our scientific achievements, art, or philosophy left for posterity’s sake. Conspicuously, no remnants of us.

WTF? they’ll say when they come upon the footage in this now-rogue satellite spinning out of control somewhere near Andromeda. Doesn’t this remind you of that scene in Star Wars when the Death Star is blown up? one guy will say to his fellow smarter-than-human-beings colleagues.

Ha ha ha, they’ll all respond. Good one, Red Leader! That was funny.

Ah, doom and gloom. Or is it? Is it in fact a Hard-Boiled Wonderland and the End of the World, or are we merely repeating, ad nauseam, what our forebears have done for time immemorial, which is to do believe what The Economist declares: “There is nothing new in society being gripped by anxiety about the present and pessimism about the future.”

As my mother likes to remind me on a weekly basis, today’s youth is so much more screwed up than the last, what with their ear thingies in their ears and their handphone thingamajigs in their hands as they walk down the street. And why don’t young people have home rotary phones in their homes anymore!

Ha ha ha. Just kidding, Mom. It’s all good.

To return to Economist-like seriousness, though, the above link reviews a book by Richard Overy, a noted World War II historian, and his latest addition to the literary world, a book that focuses on the years between the two wars (1918-1939). It was a time when “the presentiment of impending disaster was even more deeply felt (and perhaps with better reason) than it is today. Indeed, Mr Overy sets out to show that it was a uniquely gloomy and fearful era, a morbid age that saw the future of civilisation in terms of disease, decay and death.”

Let’s step back in history for a moment, shall we? This should be fun. In that 21-year inter-war period, the world saw, in no particular order, the rise of a virulent strain of communism and Marxism, the brutality of the Spanish Civil War, a surge in polio cases throughout developed nations, the introduction to the world stage of winners like Hitler, Mao, Mussolini, Stalin & Franco, the world’s first carpet-bombing campaign carried out on Geurnica, the average life span in rural communities in the richest countries not surpass the average age of death for a well-to-do Greek person 2,000 years earlier, and, of course, the Great Depression.

The list is obviously longer. However, like cream-colored ponies and crisp apple strudels, these are just a few of my JA-inspired favourite things that popped to mind.

Today, inundated as we are by real-time news stories and a constant barrage of images, soundbites, texts, alerts, online posts, emails, retweets, etc., it might truly feel like we are balancing precariously on The Razor’s Edge.

But are we?

For example, what if the poles were to reverse on themselves as a result of global warming? No big deal, says NASA. It’s happened many times over the millennia, naturally, and we’ve lived to talk about it. But what if global warming leads to another glacial epoch similar to the last Ice Age? Well, Homo sapiens appear to have survived with little more than some sticks and stones last go around, so I’d imagine we 21st-century human beings might be able to weather it, as a species, even if millions did perish in the geological catastrophe.

On the other hand, global warming is destroying our ozone layer, which in turn makes it potentially impossible to walk outside with exposed skin one day, a very real health risk, not to mention the melting of polar ice caps, floods, draughts, extreme weather patterns – you get the picture.

There’s also something unique that we have been living with since the Baby Boomer generation that no other civilization in history has had to contend with: the potential to annihilate ourselves in planetary suicide through the use of manmade weapons of mass destruction.

Contrary to what some believe, though, we are still in the midst of the longest era of global peace the world has known since we invented the means to kill each other in greater – and quicker – numbers. We’ve eradicated more diseases in the last century than all of human history put together. Knowledge, education and the sharing of information has never been this affordable, convenient or readily accessible to the masses. Eat your heart out, Gutenberg.

These are the veritable “Doorbells and sleigh bells, And schnitzel with noodles” we should be trying to focus on as we’re pummeled with streaming videos of captives being beheaded in foreign lands, women and girls raped in the name of “religion,” food banks overrun in the biggest cities throughout the “developed” world,  mental health cases spiking everywhere (although this is probably more just the world waking up to its reality and not denying it any longer), and the world’s most powerful Commander-in-Chief seemingly bent on bringing ruin to the planet as expeditiously (that means “promptly or “quickly,” Donnie T.) and with as little covfefe (………………..) as possible.

Long of the short: As much as we love to talk about the doom and gloom drenching us like a cancer with more cancerous cancerness than the last generation, I think it’s time we realize that things may not be quite as covfefe as we tend to think in our dark hours of Trumpian pessimism. As a famous author once said when writing about subjects like War and Peace, “We imagine that as soon as we are thrown out of our customary ruts all is over, but it is only then that the new and the good begins…There is a great deal, a great deal before us. I say that for you.”

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Quote of the Day

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  1. You will receive a body.
  2. You will learn lessons.
  3. There are no mistakes, only lessons.
  4. A lesson is repeated until learned.
  5. Learning lessons does not end.
  6. “There” is no better than “here.”
  7. Others are merely mirrors of you.
  8. What you make of your life is up to you.
  9. Your answers lie inside you.
  10. You will forget all this.

10 Rules for Being Human” (from If Life Is a Game, These Are the Rules), Cherie Carter-Scott

I don’t think I would have ever written down this list in my literary journal 20 years ago if it hadn’t been for No. 10. Priceless. Like, toooootally MasterCard priceless.

There’s really no rhyme or reason to my selection for the Quote of the Day. Each one just kind of comes to me no differently than cosmic dust filtering in from the farthest reaches of the “Chocoalte Bar” Galaxy, penetrating our now ozone-less atmosphere, and then connecting with my uber sensitive-to-the-universe brain. That’s what happened this morning after I’d finished my 200th sit-up and was getting ready to do 100 chin-ups before getting started on my daily half-triathalon. Wednesdays are full-out triathalons.

Man, I love fitness!

I don’t know much about Dr. Cherie Carter-Scott (@DrCherie) except (1) I can’t cut and paste the accent aigu over the first “e” in her name; (2) she is known as the “Mother of Coaching” (anyone know who the Father is? Could it be Vader?); (3) she has been a self-dubbed “pioneer in the field of Human Development and Motivation since 1974,” the year the world stood still on June 19; and (4) I really liked the above “10 Rules for Being Human,” and have ever since I came across it for the first time in 1997, the year the world stood still once again on August 31 and September 5.

Click here if you’d like to learn more about Ms. Carter-Scott.

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“Population Zero is compulsive viewing”

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That’s right: “compulsive viewing.” When you consider that about 78.456789% of society now suffers from OCD, that can only bode well for Population Zero, the gritty new film produced by Tyler Levine (@TylerLevine) and directed by Adam Levins (@Adamlevins) & Julian T. Pinder (@JulianPinder). It is currently being released in Canada by A71 Entertainment (@A71Ent).

Film critic Greg Klymkiw (@GregKlymkiwCFC) was at the premiere of the film here in the T dot and blogged about his thoughts in a piece called “How To Get Away With Murder in the U.S.A.” You can can read the review for yourself, but I think Mr. Klymkiw sums it up nicely when he writes:

“What I DO know is that it’s a damn enjoyable movie as it stands and I highly recommend that everyone stop going to see movies knowing what they’re going to see. It’s so much more edifying.”

Population Zero will be playing at Carlton Cinema until Thursday, June 1.

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Woe Be to Today’s Translators

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If you’re a translator, linguist, polyglot, linguaphile, word nerd, Scrabble freak – but especially if you work in the translation field to earn your keep – then you have to get a hold of the weekly Johnson column from @TheEconomist and published in the arts, books and culture section @EconArts.

Case in point: The Johnson column from May 27, titled “Why translators have the blues,” is so dead-on it’s scary. Not, like, Dracula kind of scary; it’s, like, holy-crapballs-I-can’t-believe-someone-else-in-the-world-feels-my-exact-pain kind of scary.

They say a picture is worth a thousand words. To that I say…word. In the case of the above image, the picture may not be worth a thousand words, but it is worth seven letters (and 13 points on its own in Scrabble) and echoes Rodney Dangerfield’s go-to one-liner – “Hey! I don’t get no respect.”

Well, the Johnson column captures one of the biggest problems strangling the translation industry these days. Although translation is one of the few areas of commerce that is (for now) safe from technology – computers may be able to generate beautiful artwork, beat world champion chess players, and have more Cliff Clavin knowledge than Ken Jennings – but as I’ve stated before on this site, technology has a long, long way to go before it can harness mankind’s greatest invention.

That being said, competition among translators, many of whom can be total hacks that might do better training to become astronauts for North Korea’s burgeoning space program, is more intense than ever. Translation fees have become a joke at international agencies (I’ve had clients offer me 5 cents/word when I don’t usually work for less than 20-25 cents/word, or $10/page when I charge between $60-$120/page), so the quality of the finished products being churned out is, by extension, tanking.

But who cares, right? Apparently clients like multibillion dollar corporations are caring less and less, at least in East Asia they seem to be. But Johnson has a potential solution: literary translation. Although the big money still lies with the big company contracts, native English speakers are becoming more and more interested in the opportunity to read books from countries outside Angloburbia.

As good ol’ Johnson mused at the beginning of this week’s column, “Translation can be lonely work, which may well be why most translators choose the career out of interest, not because they crave attention.” So listen up all you cheap dime store hoods who want a quality product at sub-minimum wage rates and with deadlines that defy the space-time continuum. All us lonely inkhorn scribes who move from one language to another for a living want is one thing: respect.

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Job Posting: P/T Editor @quillandquire

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Anyone looking for part-time editing work as Books for Young People Editor at Quill & Quire, click here for more information.

For those not familiar with Canada’s magazine of book news and reviews:

Quill & Quire is the magazine of the Canadian book trade. The print edition, published 10 times per year (monthly except for joint January/February and July/August issues), includes author profiles, news about upcoming books and developments in the Canadian industry, and reviews of new adult and children’s titles. The magazine reviews around 400 new titles each year, offering the most comprehensive look at Canadian-authored books in the country.

Q&Q also posts regular online updates, featuring up-to-the-minute industry news, regular listings of new book deals, award nominations and wins, personnel changes, and more. Our daily blog, Quillblog, spotlights book-related news in other media with our own context and commentary.

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Staying, Not Falling, in Love

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Perhaps it’s because I got sucker-punched on the weekend by Vicky Cornell’s “A Love Letter to a Soulmate,” or maybe it’s simply because I’m a total sap still clinging to the belief that relationships, like learning, are a life-long endeavour. I don’t care if you’ve been married for 153 years, life is PEACHES AND CREAM! and you’re happier today than you were the moment that special someone walked into your life; the second you think you’ve got it all figured out when it comes to love, commitment and happiness is precisely the time you need to go in for an oil check and lube job at your nearest body shop.

For the most part, I dislike the whole “3/5/10/25 easy steps to…” approach to anything. Doubly so when it comes to human interaction, as there’s no formula for achieving all your interpersonal goals while also pleasing everyone you meet and petting your fragile ego so you don’t unlock that Pandora’s Box of insecurities.

That said, Christopher Connors (@Chris_Connors42) wrote what I think is a very cogent, succinct and relevant piece on this subject titled “The Five Keys to Commitment in Relationships.” Without droning on like a drone-like mosquito that just won’t go away, he neatly sums up five basic tenants to what is arguably the most important part of our lives: our significant other. How, after all, can we even pretend to be good parents to our children, good children/in-laws to our parents, dependable coworkers, and relatively happy people if we can’t even get things figured out on the home front?

Read the above link by Mr. Connors if you have the time. Otherwise, here’s his list summed up in five headings:

  1. Positive Experiences
  2. Going “All in” in thoughts, words and actions
  3. Eliminating distractions and temptations
  4. A willingness to understand things from your partner’s point of view
  5. What Matters Most

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Writing Your First Book

Image result for the many, wyl menmuir

There was an interesting article in The Guardian a while ago titled “How to finish a novel: tracking a book’s progress from idea to completion.” It’s about a go-getter named Wyl Menmuir and an app he used called WriteTrack (now known as Prolifiko) to keep tabs on his progress/set daily goals over his journey to write – and finish! – his first novel.

The original aim was to complete a 44,242-word book in 124 days.

Before we go on, I have to point out a couple of things. To begin, I first wrote about a similar subject when I created a Page on this site called “Evolution of a Novel.” I described how much changes in the years (plural) it takes most authors to write a novel. I cut and paste a single paragraph, the opening to A Father’s Son, from its inception in 2006 to its completion in 2012 to its published form in 2013, and the differences between drafts is pretty staggering. Why? Because time had passed and I could go in with fresh eyes at each new stage.

The fact that Tolstoy and Ondaatje each only took five years to craft War and Peace and The English Patient, respectively, is insane. Arundhati Roy, who took home the Man Booker Prize in 1997 for her debut novel The God of Small Things, will be releasing her second novel, The Ministry of Utmost Happiness, next month. In case you lost count, that’s 20 years for her follow-up work of fiction.

My own second novel is scheduled to be published next spring. I began the first draft of The Immortal Flower in winter 2001. By the time it comes out, the writing/editing/publishing of that single book will represent 39% of my life. Ouch!

Second, since when did a novel fall under 50,000 words? Doesn’t that get tagged as a “novella” anymore? It’s my understanding that most novels – even in today’s age of hyperconnectivity – fall in the word count range of 80,000 to 100,000 words.

Than again, maybe I’m full of **** and **** because Mr. Menmuir ended up completing his novel in one year, 10 months and two days. In the grand scheme of things, I’d say that’s still pretty fast, especially for someone who’d never finished a full-length novel before.

The real icing on this gravy train of literary sweetness, though? Menmuir not only finished The Many, but he got it published. Amazing. But there’s more! He not only got it published, but he was longlisted for the Man Booker Prize in 2016!

I therefore say to all of you out there who’ve been sitting on an idea for a book for years: Go do it! If you need an app, download it. Otherwise, read The Guardian article I linked to above and then tell yourself, I’ve got nothing to lose and everything to gain. Set aside a single hour a day at first – even 30 minutes in the beginning – and you’ll be amazed at how quickly you may be able to impress even yourself.

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A Love Letter to a Soulmate

Image result for chris cornell and vicky cornell

“I’m sorry, my sweet love, that I did not see what happened to you that night, I’m sorry you were alone, and I know that was NOT you, my sweet Christopher. Your children know that too, so you can Rest In Peace. I’m broken, but I will stand up for you and I will take care of our beautiful babies. I will think of you every minute of every day and I will fight for you. You were right when you said we are soul mates. It has been said that paths that have crossed will cross again, and I know that you will come find me, and I will be here waiting.”

Vicky Cornell, upon learning of her husband Chris Cornell’s death (2017)

Singer and once-in-a-generation cultural icon Chris Cornell was laid to rest at Hollywood Forever Cemetery in Los Angeles yesterday. The weather was overcast, ominous, a black hole sun undoubtedly buried deep behind moiling clouds, at what was possibly the largest gathering of Rock Royalty in nearly a quarter century, since Kurt Cobain’s death in 1994. Cornell’s flat marker in the cemetery read “VOICE OF OUR GENERATION AND AN ARTIST FOR ALL TIME.” He was 52 at the time of his death.

As attendees made their way to their seats at the public service, which followed a private one earlier the same day, Audioslave’s “Like a Stone” played on speakers throughout Fairbanks Lawn. Fellow Audioslave bandmate Tom Morello was one of several people to deliver a eulogy, saying, “Chris was as melodic as The Beatles, as heavy as Sabbath and as haunting as Edgar Allan Poe. The demons he wrestled with were real, but he harnessed those demons and rode them like a mother-flipping chariot of lightning strapped with Marshall stacks to make some of the greatest rock ‘n’ roll of all time.”

Chris Cornell’s extraordinary range was hardly a secret, but nonetheless continued to impress – no, blow the f****** walls out from around him – every time he took to the stage and opened his mouth. He was one of those vocal freaks of nature that could  belt out a song like “Jesus Christ Pose,” have every fan ready to go and wage battle like they were straight out of Braveheart, then hoist himself up on a stool, grab his acoustic guitar and somehow find it in himself to release chthonic demons buried deep inside the abyss of a tired spirit through a heart-wrenching version of “Nothing Compares 2 U.”

For those like me who never knew Chris Cornell personally, we are left to recount memories associated with a person who seemed larger than life much of the time with friends and fellow fans….

…like the time I went to see Soundgarden, Pearl Jam and Neil Young perform at Exhibition Stadium a lifetime ago. The show was over, or so it seemed, when Chris Cornell, Eddie Vedder and the Neiler himself sauntered back to the stage, along with seven guitarists and two drummers from their respective bands. Although the following link isn’t from the same concert, it will give you a sense of the power that  overtook 50,000 screaming nutjobs when those three rock legends began singing “Rockin’ in the Free World…”

…like the first time I heard Cornell and Vedder team up to sing “Hunger Strike” and was thunderpunched to the gut, a feeling only relived three years later when The Tragically Hip released Day for Night, and “Nautical Disaster” ruined me; beds were launched out of second-floor windows and refrigerators tossed horizontally like rectangular missiles through front doors, such was the visceral reaction only select songs like that could evoke…

…like two days ago, flipping through the channels on TV, and stumbling across Singles (1992), a movie I watched approximately 2.3 million times when I was in university. Cameron Crowe’s now-classic film about life in Seattle in the early 1990s was just beginning and all I thought was, Don’t give me Bridget Fonda with her faux “grungewear,” or Matt Dillon with his lame facial hair; give me Layne Staley, Eddie Vedder, Matt Cameron, Kim Thayil, Mike Starr, Ben Shepherd, Sean Kinney, Jerry Cantrell, Jeff Ament, Stone Gossard and, of course, Chris Cornell.

Those who know me, know that I have a voice for the ages. Verily, I never pursued a career in music in a selfless act to allow others far inferior to shine (Matt R.). It was much the same with chess (Joel H.), waterskiing (Dave S.) and playing hockey (Randy M.)

You’re welcome.

Thus, therefore and consequently, I will dedicate this last song to Mr. Cornell from a few some guys who know a thing or two about the man himself and about writing music that effortlessly soars to the heavens, and we, the humble recipients of the ethereal, more inspired human beings as we reel in its wake – Pearl Jam’s “Just Breathe.”

Nothing you would take,

Everything you gave.

Hold me till I die,

Meet you on the other side.

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Globe Review: ‘Population Zero’

Population Zero Poster

And…the first review is in from Brad Wheeler (@BWheelerglobe) at The Globe and Mail for Population Zero. Congratulations to @TylerLevine and his entire team for putting together a film that is “compelling,” “cleverly told,” and an “earnest cross-genre thriller.”

Population Zero is playing at Carlton Cinema until Thursday, June 1.

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