Tag Archives: Everybody’s Dictionary (short story)

Spicy Spice: The 6th Spice Girl

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(Siobhan Spicer shares a light moment with himself after mistakenly referring to the “Cold War” as the “Frigid Battle.”) 

Semantics matter. So do names. After referring to the Canadian prime minister, a man we Kanadians (oh, spelling matters, too!) call Justin Trudeau – or simply “The poster boy for the Hair Club for Men” – as Joe Trudeau, Siobhan Spicer has officially earned himself a place in the world’s most famous girly girl band.

Now known as Spicy Spice, or the 6th Spice Girl, S.S. (not to be confused with the Schutzstaffel…you can look that one up, Spicy Spice ) has not only become a household name in many countries around the world (e.g. Kanada, Mehiko, Ymn, Searia, etc.), but has also landed himself a place on SNL. Well, vicariously, at least.

See, the issue here is that the current White House keeps falling back on idioms like “The devil is in the details.” The problem is that there really is no catch or mysteriousness to the details that the Donnie T. administration keep screwing up. This is not a case of slippery semantics, wily words, complicated conundrums or any other alliterative term you can think of to defend these egregious errors. (Ooh ooh ooh! I just earned a Spicy Point for that one!)

Seriously, though, do we as a planet have to put up with this Banana Republic (No, not the clothing chain, Spicy Spice) for another three years, four months and eleven days? Don’t believe my math? There’s actually a UK site counting it down to the second.

Here’s another idiom: “The blind leading the blind.” That’s a good one because it dates back to the Upanishads, which…oh, forget it. Perhaps a good ol’ Dutch oven from that hilarious Hollander, Erasmus, will do the trick: “In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king.”

At this point, I think many of us who could not vote in the U.S. election but must endure its consequences would happily accept a thoughtful, well-spoken cyclops in the Oval Office than what we have now.

But if you want to brush up on your langwage skillz before yer next press briefing, Spicy Spice, I highly reco you reed this beaut of a short story, “Everybody’s Dictionary.”

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Everybody’s Dictionary (& Other Semantic Debacles)

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A little over 10 years ago, I wrote a short story, a political satire, in homage to President George W. Bush called “Everybody’s Dictionary.” While going over it recently, I realized little had changed in the U.S. since the time of G-Dubs, and that if I tweaked it just a little here and there, I could actually make it an homage to President Donald J. Trump. How exciting, I thought!

I originally posted it on Wattpad, the leading English language short story site, a couple of years ago, and then kind of forgot about it until January 20, the day Donnie T. was inaugurated as the 45th President of the United States.

However, it wasn’t until Kellyannegate a couple of weeks ago, when the term “alternative facts” entered the lexicon of the American media, that I decided to go back to “Everybody’s Dictionary” and see if it was still relevant eight years later. And wouldn’t you know it! Plus ça change, plus c’est la même chose. (TRANS.: If you beat around a bush, you will always be trumped.)

So, to all those logophiles out there who still think semantics are important, I dedicate this updated version of the story to you.

Click here to read “Everybody’s Dictionary (& Other Semantic Debacles)

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